You really don’t have to change, even though you will. The nature of being is change. Most of what people experience as “pain” is the resistance to change. The more you try to hold onto the past, or the way things used to be, the stronger the response. When you resist that the people in your life change because maybe that change moves them away from you, you have a powerful emotional response, and you work very hard to hold them tighter. When you try over exercising to hold onto a certain body type as you age, or cosmetic surgery, or eating habits, or social patterns, or mid life crisis, or a bigger house, etc. There are so many different ways we fight change.
The most painful and debilitating fight against change, which most people don’t even realize, is a fight against releasing our emotional wounds, or repressed emotions, and holding on to our story. When you were growing up and you had an experience that brought up strong emotional responses that you had no way to process at the time, you asked your mind to help you, and it did. Your mind hid those emotions away till you could process them. This was a wonderful tool at the time. It helped you survive. This becomes an issue when you never go back and heal those wounds. Not only have you held those initial emotions within you, but every time you have an experience that brings the same emotions up, your mind stuffs it down with the others that feel the same. This builds over a lifetime.
Have you ever wondered why you reacted the way you did, after you have a powerful emotional response that is way out of context? That is the overflow of those wounds you are hiding from yourself. Those wounds want to be healed. They want to be expressed fully and completely. They are always with you. Just because you don’t think you are carrying around a lifetime of fear, anger, guilt, shame, grief, etc., you really are. Your mind is doing the job you gave it so long ago – hide me from these powerful emotions that I can’t deal with right now! It is still hiding them from you. As long as you have not gone in and found your wounds and worked with them to express and heal them, those emotions are always being felt by you.
So what does this have to do with change? Your fight to avoid healing your wounds is your mind fighting to remain the same. As long as you hold onto those wounds, your mind is fighting with all your might to maintain the seperation, to keep your emotions out of your awareness. This of course then leads to maintaining the same reactions to the same triggers. Your mind is fighting to maintain the habits, behaviors and patterns that it created for you as an infant and a child to hide you from your wounds. It has become completely unconscious. It has evolved to more subtle and mature ways of hiding from yourself, but that is still what is going on.
How many times do you wonder why you keep repeating similar patterns and experiences, just with different people and places? How many times have you worked to change behaviors and patterns only to fall back into them when you stop focusing on changing them? How many times have you been successful at removing one poor habit only to have it replaced with another addiction that may appear healthy, but when looked at is still a destructive pattern of avoiding the real issues inside yourself?
The most wonderful part of this world, this life, is that we have the choice to decide what we want. Do we want to continue in our habits,patterns, and behaviors? Do we want to change a little to just relieve the pressure? Do we want to have a balance of being truly happy 50% of the time and not the other 50%? Do we really want to put the effort in to becoming truly joyful all the time? Everyone has a choice, and no choice is wrong. Every choice you make for yourself is perfect for you, where you are. For me, I chose a path that says I will do all the work that is necessary to create a life of complete 100% joy and unconditionality. It is not an easy choice, and I have no idea if I will ever get there. I do know that I have gone from a place of being miserable, depressed and in constant fear (which I never realized the depths till I did the work), to a place where I am at peace and happy most of the time. I fully accept myself as I am, and I desire to be even happier, but the joy is in being who and what I am, and that is perfect right now.
I would like to suggest that anyone that wants true change with deep peace and happiness, to find someone that can guide you through healing and expressing your wounds. It doesn’t matter the path you choose on that journey to freedom, whatever path works for you is what is best for you. Remember to look for a teacher or guide that is coming from a place you want to be, someone that has done the work and understands how to get there. Learning a path to freedom and experiencing it are two radically different things. A teacher can only take you where they have been experientially. If you are interested in the Toltec Heart Path, I am available for sessions via Skype or in-person.