What is emotional Intelligence

executive life coachingWhat is emotional intelligence and what does it do for you? 

Emotional Intelligence is a tool to gain a joyful balance in our lives. Through increasing our emotional intelligence, we become more aware of our emotions, what drives us, what is creating the good habits and behaviors, and what is creating the behaviors and patterns that cause us drama, pain, and grief. Emotional intelligence helps us become infinitely better communicators and therefore create and hold deep lasting relationships – both personal and business. Through improving our emotional awareness and intelligence, we begin to heal those areas within us that are holding us back and we transform naturally and powerfully. There are several parts and steps to emotional intelligence.

1. Awareness: The first step is to become aware of our emotions. As I learned when I started working on my emotional intelligence and through working with people, most of us have no idea what we are feeling most of the time. On top of this, we don’t know where our strong emotional reactions and outbursts come from. This creates a lot of confusion within ourselves and with the people that are on the receiving end of the outbursts. How can I be happy when I have no idea when, why, or if I will have a reaction come up that emotionally ruins my day? How can I be happy consistently when I blame everything outside myself for my emotional reactions, when the reactions are mine? Becoming aware of our emotions and where they are coming from will dramatically transform our lives, even if we do nothing else with this awareness.

2. Acceptance: The next aspect is acceptance.This really is part of awareness, but it is important so I have separated it out. When we were very young and had powerful emotional events in our lives that we couldn’t process, we put them away for future processing. This is referred to as repression. We learned to do this, and we learned it well. This skill persists into our adulthood. Now we tend to repress most of our emotions that don’t feel good. Eventually these emotions build and blow, just like a teapot that releases steam. These explosions only relieve some pressure and keep the emotions just under the point of explosion. What does this have to do with acceptance? We repress because we refuse to accept the “bad” or “negative” feelings. We either avoid them or try to bury them. We do not accept them. As long as we do not accept all of our emotions, we cannot become aware of them.

3. Express: When we accept our emotions and gain awareness of them, we begin to move through the source of our behaviors, habits, and patterns that have run our lives, both good and not so good. The next step is to learn to express our emotions in a positive and safe manner. The way I have experienced this is that all of our repressed emotions are there just waiting to be expressed. Once they are expressed, the drivers and causes of many negative behaviors, habits and patterns are healed and released. When these are gone, the old behaviors just fall away. You become free to choose how you want to act and react. You gain freedom to be your true self.

4. Transformation: This is where true transformation occurs. When you heal your wounds and release the repressed emotions you quickly transform into your true authentic self. What does that mean? Your authentic self is what you were before you created all your behaviors, habits and patterns for coping with the repressed emotions. It is what you were before you had to hide from yourself and began to act based on hiding from feeling. It will amaze you when you become aware that all of your actions and behaviors come from hiding from feeling your emotions. When you no longer have to hide, you are free to be joyful. You are free to choose the life you want. You begin to move through life following the joyful part of you.

5. Freedom: The last step is the choice to feel what you want to feel. You no longer react out of fear, or pain, or drama. You gain the ability to see and understand what is going on both sound you and inside you and then decide how you want to act. You can choose to remain peaceful and calm in the eye of any storm. You can choose helpful and positive behaviors in the face of any obstacle. You become a leader in all aspects. You become what you choose to be.

Are you ready to transform your life? Do you want balance, peace, and joy? Contact me now for a free initial session.